I first decided to do a video journal based on the Reid and Moon framework and then compare this with a written journal a week later. The days had a similar structure but were not particularly busy in terms of what I do professionally.
I find recording my initial reflections fairly straightforward as this is something I do after most teaching classes. Although one question I don’t often ask myself is, did anything unexpected happen? On both occasions this question unearths a new thought and thus my reflective process takes a completely new direction.
Through asking myself this question I have learnt that I often approach tasks with a rather negative outlook. I anticipate that the complete opposite will happen and so I’m taken completely by surprise.
I think something unexpected definitely happened in our working relationship and this week instead of leaving worrying about my other teachers, teaching methods I learnt something from her. Last week I was left in such a confused state that it was a real shock to find myself smiling at learning a new tool from a teacher I had lost hope in. (carman 2011)
From asking myself just this one question I realised that I almost always predicted the worse in anticipation of events. It was only when I was in the midst of them that these negative thoughts dispersed
I needed to rearrange these negative thoughts in my mind as this would lead to the class continually feeling an effort. (carman 2011)
When reading Boud’s chapter from ‘Promoting journal writing in adult education’ (2001) he states that
Feelings experienced as negative may need to be discharged or sublimated; otherwise, they may continually distort all other perceptions and block understanding. Those experienced as positive can be celebrated, because they enhance the desire to pursue learning.
I approach tasks with low expectations of myself and waste huge amounts of energy on negative thoughts. This has a knock on effect and in most cases prevents me from being fully involved in a situation and thus learning from it. This has become apparent in the learning of my ISTD syllabus; I’m finding it increasingly difficult to get the most out of my class this is resulting in me having to do double the work. This pattern is something I was aware of but didn’t realise it had such an effect.
I don’t often ask myself what I have learnt from a situation and in this case it reconfirms my negative thoughts.
I think I learnt not to pre-empt events and expect the worst and to learn from difficult situations, to put aside negative thoughts and not let them overcome you as this will affect you throughout the day. (carman 2011)
Another question that I will continue to use is, make a list of things that come to mind about the day? This question worked better when I didn’t think too much into it. When asking myself this question in my video journal, I unleashed a thought that had not been at the forefront of my mind but was having an impact on how I was feeling that day. London buses came to mind, I feel this revealed maybe why I had a fairly neural feeling towards my teaching because my mind was focused on other things. This only registered when asking myself this question, revealing what I was thinking subconsciously.
What did you value about the day, what made you enthusiastic? Is also a question that really expanded my thoughts. This leads me to re-evaluate a previous situation and drawn up conclusions. This then guides me to ask further questions.
Each week you notice a child get up and talk or dance or do a task by themselves. It is hugely rewarding to see the under confident children slowly participating and growing over time. I sometimes feel that teaching is like a show; I play several different characters and take the audience/class on a journey. I inspire, surprise, shock and make them laugh. So by the end I’m left feeling pretty exhausted. I think the arts play a huge part in the development of a child’s confidence, attention and co-ordination.
A friend of mine once indirectly criticised my profession. What can dance do for you in society? It’s not a real job and so on. I remember feeling so angry, I felt I needed to justify my job and prove to him that my professional had a place. He studied politics and what strikes me now is he had absolutely no social skills. I think to a certain degree that politicians play a role, they present speeches to the world and assure as in their decisions. I don’t know why I have just thought about this but I no longer feel the need to justify my profession, I just feel sad that he doesn’t have the confidence to make a difference and progress and maybe if he had been actively involved in the arts he would. (Carman 2011)
What I have learnt from approaching my reflective journal based on the Reid and Moon framework is how few questions I was actually asking myself. Although I have written much more than any other journal entre, writing lists can be just as beneficial in discovering hidden thoughts and experiences. Only now do I realise just how vaulable reflection can be in my progression and learning through life.
I think you reflect in a really honest way and it's great that you have identified some areas that you know you need to work on to achieve your full potential. I was interested to hear that you found some unexpected reflections when you asked yourself certain questions from the framework - It definitely shows that following a structure can sometimes be beneficial. I was surprised to hear about the level of negativity and self-doubt that you identified, as you come across as a very positive and 'together' person. I do that too...I think perhaps as performers we constantly talk ourselves into a position of defeat so that we won't be too disappointed when things don't work out? Perhaps it's a method of protection from failure?
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